Ares jokes

People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"

"Yeah, over my dead body!"

Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.

You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.

“Those are just contractions.”

Q: What are cheetahs?

A: The worst card players!

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?

Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

Q: Why are orphans so successful? A: Because when they were younger, they got told, "Go big or go home," and only had one option.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"If we don't get some support soon, people will start to think we are balls."

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Are you the Twin Towers? 'Cause you sure upgraded.

Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?

Lights are hanging.

Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?