Ares jokes
Q: How do you know when someone is an opposition leader to Putin?
A: When they are falling from their balcony.
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
Who are the quickest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 34 stories in 4 seconds.
Me and the boys are cool.
Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?
Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*
Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.
Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Me: Hey, are your parents here?
Orphan: (crying) STOP CALLING HERE!
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
When you are eating delicious street food in China and you ask the chef: You: "Is this chicken?" Chef: "No, its meow meow."
April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.
Orphan: Where... Oh.
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
People are like trees. They fall when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!