Ares jokes

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Why are cheetahs big cats? Because they poo and purr.

There are 3 things wrong with this world.

1. Spelling

2. Maths.

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?

Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.

One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"

The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."

After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."

The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"

After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.

The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."

The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."

The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."

The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."

The first kid then says: "I know, right?"

They then begin a snowball fight.

The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.

Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

Are you guys alright?

If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.

(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

The Twin Towers are like Angry Birds in real life.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?

They only come out for the boos.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they lost the towers.

Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.

What do old people have when they are sick.

A going away party.