Ares jokes
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
Why are Democrats represented by the donkey? Because some Democrats can be such an ass!
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?
Why are vegetarians so good at giving head? Because they’re used to having nuts in their mouth.
What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven
Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere
Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."