Ares jokes
How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?
A baseball game has a home run.
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
Your hairline and your eyebrows are social distancing.
Why are orphans bad at Yahtzee?
They don't know what a house is.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.