Ares jokes
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?
I think that you're an accident!
Those are all the same.
(All the jokes above.)
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?
Jokes about ISIS are all about the execution.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"