Ares jokes
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Memes
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"
The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
A cheetah and a lion are racing.
The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "You a cheetah!"
The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"
People are like sharks; only the great ones are white.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
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