Ares jokes
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped.
Girls Are Yummy Stupid
Are Really Erectable
Tasty Honey Ejaculable
Booty Everything Sucking Titties
Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"
The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.
Why are history teachers always women? Because they like to bring up the past.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims because they went through 80 stories in 10 seconds. 😂
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can’t find home.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
Why do black people call each other brothers? Because they don't know who their fathers are.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.