Ares jokes

What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.

The median salary of a clown is $36,763. And yet, here you are, doing it for free.

One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

What do you call crabs that do not share their food?

They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ

A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?

A: Because they're intended for a young audience.

Yo mama so fat, the only letters that she knows are KFC.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

How are gay people like mice?

They both hate pussies.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

This isn’t much of a joke, but here's a pickup line. Are you a marshmallow? Because I wanna put my stick in you.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.

Did you know? The most Black Holes in the Universe are all found in Africa!

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?