Ares jokes
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
Why can’t pedophiles ever win races? Because they are always coming in a little behind.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
Q: Why are orphans bad at baseball?
A: They can’t find home.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.