Ares jokes
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?
Call their parents.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
You are fat.
When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.
You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.
You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.