Ares jokes
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because they are so fucking useless!
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"
"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."
"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"
"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."
"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"
"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."
"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"
The Twin Towers are like Jenga; you yell "towers falling!"
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Why are Americans so good at solving Rubik's Cubes?
Because they're good at separating colors.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Q: Why are Americans so good at Rubik's cubes?
A: 'Cause they have a history of separating colors.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
These 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?
A baseball game has a home run.