Appliance jokes
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What did the blender say to the orange juice?
"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."
What鈥檚 the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-
My buddies think I'm on the lake.
Boss thinks I've been sick for days.
And mama's probably on her way
'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.
I've been a million places,
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Took a trip down memory lane.
Checked into hotel heartbreak.
Passed rock bottom on the way
Without leaving my living room.
I've been a million places
But they're all up in my head.
Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.
Yeah
I've been gone.
All the clothes are on the floor
All the mail's by the door
All the whiskey bottles in my bed.
All the dishes in the sink
All the gas is in the tank
All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.
I've been gone, I've been gone
I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.
All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong
Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane
Sadder than a country song.
Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way
Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
I've been gone (ooh, ooh)
Gone
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.
What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
What do you call a redhead in a fridge?
I'm pretty sure her name was Kelly.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
"This vacuum sucks!"
Vacuum: "Yes, I do."
You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."
When I found out that my toaster wasn鈥檛 waterproof, I was shocked.
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.