Appliance jokes

Here's a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions-

My buddies think I'm on the lake.

Boss thinks I've been sick for days.

And mama's probably on her way

'Cause I ain't picked up the phone.

I've been a million places,

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Took a trip down memory lane.

Checked into hotel heartbreak.

Passed rock bottom on the way

Without leaving my living room.

I've been a million places

But they're all up in my head.

Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone.

Yeah

I've been gone.

All the clothes are on the floor

All the mail's by the door

All the whiskey bottles in my bed.

All the dishes in the sink

All the gas is in the tank

All the neighbors probably think I'm dead.

I've been gone, I've been gone

I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long.

All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong

Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane

Sadder than a country song.

Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way

Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

I've been gone (ooh, ooh)

Gone

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.

What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

Where do you buy a dishwasher?

Hot singles in your area.

What do you call a redhead in a fridge?

I'm pretty sure her name was Kelly.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

"This vacuum sucks!"

Vacuum: "Yes, I do."

You wanna know what's the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? "A refrigerator doesn't moan when I put my meat in it."

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

What do you call a baby with red on it?

A baby in a microwave.

"Is your refiger running?"

"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"

What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.

Why did ranch tell fridge to close the door?

He was dressing.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

What do you call a midget that waves at you?

A microwave.

Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)