Apple jokes
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
What’s the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
A kid and an apple fall from a tree, who will reach the ground first?
The apple, because the kid is hanging on the tree with a rope.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.