Apple jokes
You're an apple. Now suck my dick!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding only half a worm.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple has a family tree.
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, cuz the noose stops her.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.
What fell down the tree first, the emo or the apple?
Guess what? The apple, because the emo got left hanging.
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
What's the difference between a black person and an apple?
An apple chooses to hang.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
What’s the difference between a WNBA player and a rotten apple? The apple has a chance to make it into the basket.
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.