Appearance jokes
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?
A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.
Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.
Okay, roses are red, violets are blue, Barney looks better than you.
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
My face.
This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Ali A's face.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!