Appearance jokes
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"
Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?
Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Ali A's face.
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
What do you call Trump with no spray tan on his hair?
Your next door grumpy old neighbor.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Kasper has a tiny penis.
Yo mama so fat, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of CRACK.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Tuxedos suit you.