Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
Answer Jokes
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
What are a pedophile"s shoes called?
Answer: WHITE VANS
A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.
While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》
"Nun" kills the two guys.
🤔
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
If an emo and a leaf are in a tree, which one will fall first?
Answer: The leaf. The rope saved the emo.
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Answer: A FLAP.
Question: What is the difference between a morbid joke and a dark joke?
Answer: One is 10 babies in a trash can; the other is a baby in 10 trash cans.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
"Aye, matey."
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
What is a type of cancer that:
Affects you. Is caused by a device. Is annoying. People won't stop talking about it?
Easy, the answer is Fortnite.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
