Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable? Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55." The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!" The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible." The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy? Answer: a Carnivwhore
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself. ", Well I hope Ur hungry I replied, cos they cut off my electric this morning"
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
if a tree could be any animal what would it be Answer: a dog bc of its bark lolđ
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didnât think anyone would stand up so she asked him, âWhy did you stand up?â He answered, âI didnât want to leave you standing up by yourself.â
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because thereâs no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline. The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me." a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that." Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
A guy barges into a psychiatristâs office and screams, âDoctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!â
The doctor calmly answers, âPay me in advance.â
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?â
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, âWhich human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?â
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, âYou should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! Iâm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!â
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, âWhich body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?â
Little Maryâs mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, âBoy, is she going to get in big trouble!â
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, âAnybody?â
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, âThe body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.â
Mrs. Parks said, âVery good, Billy,â then turned to Mary and continued.
âAs for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didnât read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.â
A boy asks his father:
What is politics?
Father answers:
Itâs very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so Iâm big business . Your mother spends the money, so sheâs the government.
Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So heâs the law.
Our maid is the working class.
Everything revolves around your interests, so youâre the people. Your little baby brother represents the future.
The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesnât know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid â and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.
Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.
The next day his father asks him:
So, can you now explain to me what politics is?
The boy says:
Yes, itâs all become clear to me!
Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit.
Riddler: riddle me this are you scared of the big black
person: Big black what
Riddler: ...
person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing. Hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with I have two parrots as well, they are always praying and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours. They proceed to do so and the lady's parrots say hi we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun? and the pastors parrots reply with Johnny drop your beads and lift your heads our prayers have been answered.
In the realm of whispers and shadows, Where dreams dance on the edge of reality, There resides a peculiar soul, Known as Alexander Fisher.
With eyes that hold secrets untold, And a heart that beats to its own rhythm, He tiptoes through the night, On a quest to embrace the extraordinary.
His hands, delicate as a feather's touch, Reach out to the heavens above, Grasping at ethereal strands of wonder, In the form of vibrant, floating balloons.
With each step, the balloons whisper, Carrying tales of forgotten dreams, And the untamed yearnings of the heart, Alexander Fisher's silent companions.
He creeps through moonlit streets, An enigma in a world seeking answers, As the balloons trail behind him, Painting the night with magic's hues.
Together, they wander through the darkness, Where imagination blooms and thrives, In a delicate ballet of dreams, Alexander Fisher's fantastical symphony.
The world watches, captivated, By this balladeer of whimsical desires, As he weaves his spell, one balloon at a time, Enchanting souls with his ethereal art.
For in his delicate grasp, balloons become more, They transcend their earthly existence, Becoming vessels of hope and joy, Guiding hearts towards the realm of possibility.
Alexander Fisher, the dreamer, the poet, Creeps through life, a gentle force, With his balloons as his faithful companions, He reminds us to embrace the extraordinary.