ANS jokes
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Three guys are in the woods, a really smart guy, an average guy, and a really dumb guy. They're bored, so the smart guy decides to go hunting. A little while later he comes back with a deer. The average guy asks, "How did you do that?" The really smart guy says, "I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer." The average guy says, "I think I understand," and leaves. A little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb guy goes *gasp*, "How did you do that!?" And the average looks at him funny and says, "Well, I see raccoon tracks, I follow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon, I shoot raccoon." The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says, "Oooohh, ok, I think I can do that..." and leaves.
Hours pass, and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mangled. They run to help him. Finally, one of the guys asks him what happened. This is what he said: "I see train tracks, I follow train tracks, I see train, I shoot train. But train keep coming."
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father."
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home >:D
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
What's the best thing about an abortion joke??
No one gets offended.
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?