ANS jokes

Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?

Because pride is a bigger tragedy.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?

An Indian person is burnt after death.

What's an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home >:D

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.

Name an ant which is very heavy?

Eleph-ant.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.

On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?

A Boomerang.

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

De-calf-inated.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Do you know how to make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.