ANS jokes
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise.
A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"
The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
Spider-Man: No Way Home >:D
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
I was about to say an African joke, but it was too dry.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
What's the best thing about an abortion joke??
No one gets offended.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.
An orphan's favorite toy is a boomerang. It comes back to them, unlike their parents.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.