ANS jokes
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.
I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?
They can't find home. 🤣
What do you call a family picture for an orphan?
A selfie.