ANS jokes

If you ever get bored, just hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What has two left legs 🦵 but can’t walk? An airport.

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

How can you tell an Asian guy is awake?

You can never tell.

If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What's the difference between Kanye West and an orphan?

Kanye West has parents.

An Asian walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you, too, sing 'One Long Toy Cow'?"

The bartender says to the Asian, "Sorry, I don't speak Chinese."

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.

What do you call an opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

Why was the orphan's first phone an XR?

Because it had no home button.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

What do you call an alligator detective??

An investi-gator.

I punched an orphan, and he told me to leave him alone. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?

Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.

As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.

As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.

Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"