ANS jokes

What do you call an autistic kid if he was short?

A short tistic.

What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!

Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!

Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

This is not a joke, it's a warning!

You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!

What's brown and sticky?

An orphan.

What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!

A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.

A 14 year old girl was walking back home late at night, then a man was following her. An hour later, she got back home not only had she lost the stranger, but also her virginity.

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Jay-Z and B.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

What do you call an orphan's family portrait?

A selfie.

Why do people hate jokes about the World Trade Center?

Because it's an easy target.

What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?

They hang from trees.

What do you call an autistic kid with a minigun?

Special forces.

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.