ANS jokes

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

Why can't the Ctrl key cross the road? Because it is an 8-lane highway.

There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh!

I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

What's the best part about beating up an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

Why did I give the orphan an iPhone 14?

Because there is no home button.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?

A motherboard.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?

What do you call an Israeli strike against Gaza?

A Kike Strike!

What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.

What's an emo's favorite game?

Hangman.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

What's the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer; the other one is just an orphan.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfi.