ANS jokes
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
What do you call an animal flouting?
Super bird!
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
Má ég fara heim?
(In an infant-esque voice.)
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?
An RCXD (remote control explosive).
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call an Indian with pink hair?
Ghandi floss.
I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon.
Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.