ANS jokes
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Yo mama!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
A dog gets adopted.
Why can’t an emo have sex?
They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.
What's an orphan family photo called?
Selfie.
What do you call a fetus with Down syndrome? An abortion.
What's an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Home Depot.
What do you call an autistic daughter?
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
What do you call a white kid looking at infants?
Pedophilia boy.
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
An orphan was in 1st grade, and its teacher said to spell "parrot." The boy spelled "Parents."
Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.
Student one orphan: I don't have any.
Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?
Student one orphan: What!
Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.