ANS jokes
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
Dad: "Honey, I'll be right back. I need to get some papers."
Me: "Okay." *Falls asleep.*
*Wakes up in an adoption center.*
Damn, it was those kind of papers.
Why can an orphan play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why did the Asian parents have an Asian baby?
Two wongs don't make a white.
The cycle of Pionel Pessi:
- Ghosting👻
- Diving🐬
- Complaining to teammates😡
- Complaining to refs🤬
- Missing sitters🤦♂️
- Gets a lucky open net tapin⚽️
- Proceed to get 🐐 shouts
- Repeat🔁
People with REAL ball knowledge know he’s just an overrated tapin merchant 😭
So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
If you're ever bored, beat up an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
He doesn’t know where home is.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
I'm in school right now, but I'm on an airplane.