ANS jokes
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
Me: I asked an orphan where his parents were. I also said that I promised to take him to them.
Orphan: They're dead.
Me: A promise made is a promise kept.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry peeling onions!
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
What's harder than steel?
Michel Jackson in an orphanage.
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
What joke do you tell an orphan?
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not your parents.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.