ANS jokes

School shooting happens:

Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk.

American student: “First time?”

The student from Irak with an AK47: "RAtatata..."

I can’t hang out with an emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply.

What do you call an angry Texan?

A Confederate leader.

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."

What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.

My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?

Minesweeper.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂