ANS jokes
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.
I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.
God, I love working at an orphanage!
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
How do you make an elephant float?
One elephant, two scoops of ice cream, and a lot of root beer!
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?
Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?
What do you call an orphan's family picture?
A selfie.
If you're bored, punch an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple always gets picked.
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.
They said: "Because I lost my parents."
I said: "Let's find them."
They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"