ANS jokes
You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?
An irrelephant.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
You're so small you went surfing on an ice lolly!
An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.
The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
Yo mama is so stupid it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
How is spinach like anal sex? If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting? Octopied.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.