ANS jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
How much does a hipster weigh? An Instagram.
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.