ANS jokes
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
What do you call an empty police station?
Banana Chicken.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.