ANS jokes
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
So today an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... Hhah.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Chuck Norris can make an omelet from Kinder surprise.
What do you call an annoying emo kid? A nuisance.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
You can always bully an orphan. Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What's the difference between me and an egg?
An egg gets laid.