Animal jokes
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
What did the cat say when he got mad?
I'm hissed!
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
What's a cat's favorite color? Purrrple!
What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?
- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS
What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.
A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
A seal walks into a club.
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.