Animal jokes
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).