Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Animal Jokes
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.
Fat, mean, and probably inbred.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
