Animal jokes
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed. HEHEHEHE
Memes
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that lovely thing?"
"Africa," the parrot replied.
Why are frogs good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?
Mississippi Mud.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
Two baby seals walk into a club.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
A man opened a snail farm.
He said that it is a slow-moving business.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."