Animal Jokes

Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.

What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?

A hambone.

Why are frogs good at basketball?

Because they always make jump shots.

What is a pig’s 🐷 favorite pie 🥧?

Mississippi Mud.

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

The image shows a split screen comparison of vegan and real steak. On the left, under "Vegan Steak" is a picture of a cooked vegan steak with some gravy and garnish. Underneath it, there is a text box stating "ingredients". On the right, under "Real Steak", there's a picture of a sliced real steak. Underneath it, there's a picture of a cow in a field. The text underneath the image says "ingredients". Above the comparison, there is a blue, wide-eyed, emoji face.

Why isn't a koala a bear? It doesn't have the koalafications.

Two baby seals walk into a club.

What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."