Animal jokes
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?
OH it's a bitch.
What do you call a fish with no booty?
What do you call a fish with no neck?
Why did the cow cross the road? To go to the moooooovies! Nyahahahahahahahahaha!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
Guess what?
What?
Chicken butt!
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
What bees make milk?
Boob bees.
What do bees make milk from?
Boobees.
What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?
Fucks funny.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
What do you get when you goblin with a shark?
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.