Animal jokes
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
What is the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
What is the best la?
A koa-la!
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
Here's a tip for cow tipping from TheRussianBadger.
"So if you see Otis from Barnyard, make sure you blast his ass from a distance!"
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
gay fish.
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
Why didn't the koala make the football team? Because it got diskoalafied!
What do emo kids and bats have in common?
They both hang from trees.
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!