Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.
I should name my dog Ariana Grande.
That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
What do you feed a group of octopuses for dessert?
Octopie!
What do you call a pig at the beach?
Bacon.
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
If chickens make chicken nuggies, does that mean dinosaur chickens make Dino nuggies?!?
CONSPIRACY!!!
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
