Animal jokes
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
What do you call a woodpecker without a beak?
A headbanger.
*JMC*
ANOMALY-931
"Gwen"
Identification: just a stupid animal, with a big ass heart.
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe?
Getting neck!
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.