Animal jokes
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
So, once upon a time, there was a man who lived in his house with his wife.
He got up to go out to work and closed the front door behind him.
Not even four seconds later, he came back inside panicking, saying, "There's a rabbit with a gun outside!"
The wife replied, "Oh, don't worry, rabbits don't have guns. They can't shoot people; you must be imagining things."
The man calmed down for a few minutes, and after some reassuring, he eventually decided to try to go back out to work again.
So he stepped outside the front door, and the rabbit shot him.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow who?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it.
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
What do you call a fat duck?
Donald Duck.
Pokemon: Why did the Miltank cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What should I call a burger?
A cow burger.
What's a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.