Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.
1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't.
Why did the chicken enter the cave?
Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.
What weighs 5 oz. and is very dangerous?
A sparrow with a machine gun, of course!
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Lol, dick, I'm the dick and duck.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.