Animal jokes
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
What is a cow's favorite party game?
Moo-sical chairs!
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
If I had a dollar for every gender, I would have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.