Animal jokes
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
A brrrrrrrr-d!
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
I trained a wolf to meditate, so now she's aware-wolf.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
Q. What do you get if you put hot water down a rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.