Animal jokes
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
What is a chicken's favorite day of the week? Fri-day.
What do you call a pig?
Pig.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
What's a cow's favorite war?
World War Moo.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.
I am mis-steak.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
'Cause it was stapled to the chicken.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.