Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start :)
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
When did I wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
One hot day a cow wanted some shade.
He found a tree and started resting under it, but there was a chicken bothering him. The cow exclaimed, "Moooove!" The chicken didn't move. Again, "Moooove!" and still the chicken wouldn't move. The cow yelled, "MOOOOOVE!" The chicken turned around and said, "FUCKOFF."
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with...
CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
