Animal jokes
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Octopussy.
"Baaad boy."
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
I can't see the bee.
It's by the beehive.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Bc they're good at it.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
...... fuck the turtles...... THE END
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.