Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Where do whales get weighed?
The whaleway station.
Bants ahahahahahahahahahahhahahahashahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
