Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
If you're having a bad day, just remember the Blobfish exists.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!!!!!!! Hahahaha. Banta everyone on this site has 0 life and should leave.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Chihuahua?
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
What is a cow's favorite class in school?
Moosic.
What's a goat's favorite video game?
Mario Goat Cart!
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet because the p is silent
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A baby seal walks into a club...
What is a cow's favorite dance move?
The milkshake.
There was a chicken sitting on the bench. Then came another one. Then there were two.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
