Animal jokes
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
Why was the giraffe late to work?
Because it got caught in a giraffic jam.
I have a friend named Mole.
She plays a game called "sandbox" to dig up dirt...
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because it has a silent “p.”
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
Q. What do you call a goose that thinks he's a goat?
A. A Billy Goose.
Why are bald eagles bald? Because you're bald!
Goats are so lazy these days. Computers have more RAM.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.
Why did the crows form a charity?
Because it's all for good caws!
What's a dog's dream car? A Dachshund 240Z.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)