Animal jokes
What is a dog?
A pet.
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial?
Because he was koala-fied!
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
What is a big animal 🦓? A bat 🦇!
What has a magic car? A magic dog.
What pictures did turtles take?
Shell-fies!
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What is an egg?
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
JAW don't know sh*t!
What is a cow that does magic?
A smart cow.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
What do mice eat for dinner?
Mac n Cheese.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.