Ani jokes
A: What do you call a sophisticated American? B: Canadian.
A: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? B: They can't run that far.
«A: Что вы называете искушенным американцем? Б: Канадец.
A: Почему в Канаде нет ни одного мексиканца? Б: Они не могут убежать так далеко».
Not a joke.
Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?
Q: Why don't orphans turn up to parents evening?
A: Because they don't have any parents.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
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Memes
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because no one came back with any.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
"Goodness, that's what Post Malone sounds like?"
"Give me some pre-Malone hip hop any day!"
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
What's the difference between a God and my mom?
My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Where are your parents? Oh, behind you? Not any more.
MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.
Anyone remember the following?
Stephen Hawking can pass any test, but there's one test he can't pass. It is the PACER test.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)