Ani Jokes

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! please help, please help!"

me when i realized that buildings don't make earth any heavier cuz all the materials were already used on it.

And they ask you how you are, and you just
have to say you're fine when you're not
really fine
ifunny.co

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'

My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.

Ok I'm so sorry ALYA, and Drew I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I missed typed can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(

If there was a quiz on midgets here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it: 1. When midgets get High on any drug, do they get high or medium? 2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet 3. Are Midgets related to snow whites 7 Dwarfs? 4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario? 5. Was this funny?

7

Addicted what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore? Damn whore your not that addicted when u spread your legs open for any man no wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass. Lol

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.

The doctor says, "Next, please."

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient". Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants. Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control. Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?" The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

A mom says to her son: "Hey can you wave to that deaf kid over there" The son: "I don't know, can I?" The mom: "May you?" The son: "No I don't have any arms!"

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.

'I built a big house for our mum,' said the first.

'I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,' said the second.

And the third smiled and said, 'I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.'

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

'The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.'

To the second son she said, 'I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.'

To the third son she wrote 'Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!'

"dose this make any cents" a man says "oh it dose make cents" me<-- thing:Lemin"aid"<--another joke

Prince???? Where are you you??? I might have to go to bed for real, but I just wish we could talk at night. Why don't we any way? (I love you so much)