Ani jokes
Why do orphans get in trouble at school?
Because the school doesn't have any parents to report to.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!
Dad: Oh, OK!
2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.
Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?
Son: I do...
Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
It's been a while since I've talked to either Prince or tj. Do any of you boys wanna chat? Plapls?
You don't have any balls.
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
Why were the students jealous of the orphan?
He never had any homework!
(I'm going to hell for this)
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
Don't break someone's heart because they only have one; instead, break their bones... they have 206.
Why is an orphan bad at tennis?
'Cause he couldn't get any love.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Where's is the candy, sir???
Over there.
(kid steps in van)
I don't see any candy.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He didn't have enough room for any more RAM on his motherboard. I feel so bad for saying that!