American jokes
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?
'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.
How do you call an American bee?
USB.
Why is America so bad at playing chess?
They lost two towers.
Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.
Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.
Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.
American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."
What do you call somebody in America that is smart?
An immigrant.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Why is Afghanistan good at chess? They take the rooks out fast.
What is the biggest fear of an American soldier taking a piss in a bush during the Vietnam war? His manhood will be chopped off.
Like this if you're an American.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they have already lost 2 towers.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."