Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
American Jokes
Americans: Miles per hour.
Europeans: Bullets per kid...
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers donβt rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
Q. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? A. Same middle name! π
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Why are school shootings branded βvery Americanβ?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. Theyβre like the Fourth of July: thereβs a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts π
What's the difference between an American police man and a Christian?
At least a Christian kneels in church.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
(Not an orphan joke).
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they've lost 2 towers.
