American

American jokes

Job

    • Two Native Americans

    Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"

    The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.

    His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"

    Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"

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    • Dog

    • It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."

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    • Airforce

    • USS Liberty. Never forget.

    It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

    Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

    Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

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    • American memes

    Road

    • Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

    The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

    Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

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    • Bathroom

    • If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?

    A European.

    Bathroom

    • If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

    European.

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    • Conviction

    • Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.

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    • Bathroom

    • You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

    But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

    Color

    • What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?

    They both have a history of separating colors.

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    • 2020

    • I'm telling my kids that in 2020 I survived world war 3, the zombie apocalypse, the invasion of the murder hornets, and the second American revolution.

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    • Cultural misunderstanding

    • A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

    He bought a home on a small piece of land.

    The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

    He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

    Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

    Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

    Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

    A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

    The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

    The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

    "What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

    "Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"

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