America jokes
At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Does Donald know his wife is Mexican?
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
What do Americans call high school?
Shooting range.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
In America, you find Waldo.
In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
What do you call a white kid at the back of class?
A school shooter.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Trump said: "Let's make America great again."
Translation by Democrats:
"Let's fake America again."
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
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When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
What's America's best class?
Gun 101.