America jokes
Who are the fastest readers? Nine-eleven victims, because they fell through 720 stories in under 10 seconds.
What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?
A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?
What kind of bees produce milk?
Boobies.
Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
This is funny.
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!
Make America hate again.
And together we will make America great again.
You were never great in the first place.
"Bippity Boppity Boo, Donald Trump is gonna deport you!"
America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"
UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.
America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
NASA = Not Africa North America. That's what NASA stands for.
The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.
The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."
One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.
Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."
"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...
Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"
Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"