Always jokes

Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?

Heaven always has 5-star reviews.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?

Because they train at the best school.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

I have always been scared of stairs; they're always up to something.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

Why don't rappers ever get LOST?

Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).

Why don’t rappers ever get lost?

They always have a SICK FLOW to follow.

There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.

This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"

His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

When my girlfriend broke up with me, I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

When I have a staring contest, I always win.

Every day, I see blind people who hate me.

I know why Asian's eyes are always closed. It's because Americans are so fat and ugly.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?

Because she always gets a Royal flush!

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.