Always jokes
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Why did the rapper become a construction worker?
Because they were always BUILDING UP their RHYMES!
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why don't rappers tell secrets?
Because they always spill the beats.