What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
Always Jokes
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?
Because they're always cutting.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
The mailman came to drop the mail off.
Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.
Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."
Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."
Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?
I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
