Always jokes
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?
They are always so distant! :-]
I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.
Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
Memes
Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
How do you stop all homophobic heterosexual white men from using all public men's restrooms at a rest area?
Make sure that all public men's restrooms at the rest area are always occupied with gay men that have long and thick big cocks, regardless of skin color.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Why do Emos always wear black like ninjas?
Because they're always cutting.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Once a blonde, always a blonde. 😂