Always jokes
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why is Santa always a b*tch, calling people names like, "Hoe, hoe, hoe?"
Why does this always happen to me...
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Why are they called s’mores?
Because you always want another one!
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
When my girlfriend broke up with me, I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back.
Why did the cheetah always cheetah against the lion?
Because she knew the lion was always lion.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.